Life Updates: Matryoshka, Mental Health, etc.

I have never done a post like this before but it feels more appropriate to do a long-form update than mixed up in my Instagram stories.

I always feel like bloggers who post titles like this are about to slap you with some depressing news. That’s not the case for me right now, it just feels like I want to be able to explain everything in a long-form way.

Matryoshka (The Coffee Shop)

It’s still a go! The longer it lives in my brain and not in real life, the more ideas I have for it. I’m excited to see where it ends up.

As for when it will open — that remains to be seen. As many of you know, we’re doing the entire thing on our own (click here to see inspiration images + early design plans). We’re pulling permits on our own, we’re building it on our own, and that takes a lot of time to do the right way per codes and health department standards. We just got our drawings back from the architects for our mechanical, plumbing, and construction that we can submit to codes for approval. Once that happens, we can begin construction.

We’re also obviously faced with the current global pandemic. I’m grateful to have a job that will keep me until I’m ready to move on, and since Jake’s business is going to be housed in the same building as Matryoshka and can pay the mortgage on it, there’s no real rush financially to get it up and running and making money. Opening this shop a very privileged and low-key opportunity for me and I recognize that. It truly is a passion project, and I can’t wait to harness that passion into making a community around art, silliness, and coffee.

I’m also still working on design elements. Things like lighting, bar design, mural, and branding. I want it to feel unique and playful, and I’m letting it come to me naturally.

So, yes, it’s still happening. I would guess late 2021 or maybe early 2022. I really don’t want to deal with coronavirus and working a service job if I don’t need to.

Mental Health + Recovery Stuff

This area has been weird for me. The entire summer was insanely good, surprisingly. My job as a nanny and family assistant allows me the freedom to relax and enjoy the day, and I spent a lot of those days at the pool and on walks. We were in a good routine from day-to-day. Now that it’s transitioning to the colder seasons and my girls are back in school, I’m finally realizing that it might soon be too cold to hang out with friends in a socially-distant way.

I still mostly feel okay, but I do struggle with anxiety and depression and it’s defintely more prevalent in the colder, darker months. I’m very grateful to live in the South where the climate is temperate, but thinking about the impending holidays and what that will all look like this year is a little worrisome.

As far as recovery goes (you can read about my past with eating disorders and recovery here), that’s been more of a struggle. I’ve been doing great with not feeling guilty about eating foods that are often considered by people to be “bad” foods (remember, food has no inherent value) but I have not been doing a good job of listening to my body when it comes to supplying it with nutritious food that makes me feel good.

When I feel bad physically, I sink mentally, and my body image and self worth sinks too. I’ve been nitpicking my body, thinking about starving myself, thinking about dieting, been thinking about over-exercising. Been wondering if I’m even worthy of love. Am I annoying because I constantly want to talk about feelings? Do I talk too much? All of it. I’ve been checking in with myself to keep my thoughts trending positive, but damn. It’s hard.

For the record, I know I’m worthy of love. I know I am loved. I know I’m cared for. I know my body doesn’t define me. I’m just letting you in on what it’s like to be in recovery — it doesn’t end just because you work hard. It doesn’t end after you go to therapy. It doesn’t end because you changed your lifestyle.

This month, a friend and I set a goal to run a certain amount of miles and I just straight-up couldn’t do it. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. The One Room Challenge is a part of it, since a lot of my time goes into working on that and designing it. Part of it is because I haven’t been giving my body enough nutrients to sustain the level of energy I need. Another part is that we just have a lot going on in our lives. I’m missing my friends more than I ever have. We have a few family things happening that I’m not going to get into on the blog since it’s not my story to tell, but it’s been a weird time for us. Jake and I are completely fine (I’d argue the pandemic has brought us closer), but I’m focusing on myself mentally more than physically. While I’d love to be able to focus on both, it’s just not happening right now and that’s okay.

I’m proud of myself for recognizing my unhealthy patterns and the unsustainability of ignoring how I feel and just being on go go go mode. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been cooking more nutritious foods that we both love and ensuring I’m drinking enough water and moving more. I’ve been feeling so much better. I’m not back to where I want to be when it comes to moving my body, but I can tell that I’m getting there. I just have to be patient.

SPICY GIRLS CLUB

I ordered some Spicy Girls Club enamel pins that should arrive mid-November. They’ll be 1.25″ in length and the same design as the Spicy Girls Club keychains from the summer.

Speaking of the keychains, I’m 99% sure I’m going to do a run of them before the holidays. I’ve had a lot of interest recently in launching them again. It’ll probably be like the last few launches — I will do an order of 50 keychains with the option to preorder them before they arrive. Watch my Etsy shop and my Instagram to be informed of their drop.

One Room Challenge

This has been SO GOOD FOR ME. It’s been such a good way to exercise my brain. I’m learning a new skill and gaining absurd amounts of confidence along the way. The reveal is coming up in three weeks and I cannot wait for you (and me, tbh) to see it. I do not have much to say on this that hasn’t already been said in my ORC posts. Stay tuned — it’s going to be dope.

Keep your eyes peeled for my Five Favorites post coming out at the end of this month. I’ll post it on October 31 (HALLOOWEEEEEEENNNNN!) — it’s gonna be a good one.

If you missed my first Five Favorites post, it’s a new series I’m starting on here where I post five random things from podcasts to bath robes that have been favorites for the month. It was super fun to write that up and UGH – that damn bathtub overflow drain cover from last month’s post is the. literal. best.

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